DKC Atlas Forum

[Tiptup Jr.]

Genitals.

Holy crap, you guys are still playing this?

[teh epicnes]

Yes. we've been playing it behind your back.

What would happen if the peanut butter jelly time banana met Donkey Kong?

[Matt534Dog]

DK would eat it. Then it would keep singing inside of his stomach, and DK would go insane!

What's the worst thing DK has eaten?

[Phyreburnz]

Rotten bananas coated in bacteria from sitting in the sun too long.

How bad was his stomach ache after consuming the bad-nanas?

[teh epicnes]

It was so bad that he had to rip his stomach out and steal Funky's.

How bad did Funky hurt when his stomach was stolen?

[Phyreburnz]

Not as bad as Donkey's... turns out the blood type didn't match... Not only that, but after DK decided to make a purse out of the stomach, he was ridiculed and laughed at by the entire island, I guess they thought that was soooo last week or something....

Why were the primates on Donkey Kong Island making hand bags out of body organs?

[teh epicnes]

Because they can't afford the stuff that we use to make them.

Why does goo float?

[Matt534Dog]

Cause it's anti-matter!

Why would anti-matter be on DK Island?

[teh epicnes]

Because someone found a way to add more objects to DKC and put it there.

Why did they put it there?

[HavocReaper48]

Because they were running out of positive matter.

Does it matter why matter is on DK Island?

[Matt534Dog]

It matters because DK Island matters!

Why does DK Island matter?

[HavocReaper48]

Because if they did not have it, all that would be left to explore in the original DKC would be the Gangplank Galleon. Also, DK would have no place to store his bananas!

Why doesn't DK get a security system for his bananas?

[Phyreburnz]

Donkey doesn't work! You should have realized this when there were no banana coins in the first game! He's poor as f---!

Why doesn't DK invade the second game to make some money?

[HavocReaper48]

He was a bit tied up. Unless of course there's some sort of remake allowing him to be played. Also, the general idea of theft and stealing would hurt his character (realize that was Cranky Kong who stole Pauline, not Donkey Kong)

Is it too hopeful to think of a DKC-trilogy overhaul with DKCR's engine?

[Matt534Dog]

Juuuuuuuuust a little...

If the Gangplank Galleon was far away from DK Island, how did the Kremlings steal the hoard?

[HavocReaper48]

Think about it. They have a massive airship, you know. They probably just uploaded the cargo onto it and relayed it onto the Galleon.

Are the Kremlings facing budget cuts because of the Flying Krock's high maintenance demand and could not make it for DKCR?

[Phyreburnz]

Well, after your ship gets crashed three or so times, the warranty won't cover it anymore. K. Rool didn't read the fine-print.

Why are the Kremlings so stupid and why won't they read the fine-print?

[HavocReaper48]

Because, education wasn't around until DKC2, (Kong Kollege), and even there, the Kremlings seem to be slow learners judging by their chalkboard work.

Why is Wrinkly Kong educating the enemy in the first place? Isn't that being a traitor?

[Phyreburnz]

Why do you thik they killed her off in 64?

How did they kill Wrinkly?

[Tiptup Jr.]

She died playing her Nintendo 64... it's how she wanted to go.

*insert generic question here?*

[HavocReaper48]

*insert generic answer here?*

Why aren't you a good sport? =\. Sorta needed a question.

Question: Why don't the balloons in DKCR have Donkey Kong's face on them?

[Phyreburnz]

Because it's far more expensive to buy custom balloons than to buy just plain 'ol red balloons.

Why in DKL3 did they keep the balloons Diddy-shaped rather than making it look like Dixie?

[KremKrawl]

Budget cuts.

Why did I shoot down a helicopter?

[HavocReaper48]

I don't get the reference, but I'll try to answer anyway:

Because, they're so slow and so darn easy to hit. Also they're everywhere.

Speaking of helicopters, how do you make a helicopter outlined like a barrel?

[Phyreburnz]

Only Funky Kong knows that... and if he told you, he'd either have to cut out your tongue or kill you. And neither of those sounds pleasant enough for me to inquire further.

Why did Funky become so angry after DKC3 and turn into an army comando? (I may have already asked this, but it's worth a repeat)

[HavocReaper48]

I don't have DK64, but I'll make a guess:

Because, he lost a lot of attention in DKC3, and in between DKC3 and DK64, due to less company to keep him happy and funky, became more bitter. He began to develop more advanced technology in his time too, moving on from simple boats.

Is Funky turning evil all of the sudden?

[Phyreburnz]

That's what happens when you watch one of King K. Rool's many propaganda films for the Mighty Krempire (I've been saving that word up for a rainy day... and it is actually raining outside!).

Why is King K. Rool making propaganda films? Shouldn't he be using it to make the necessary repairs to his many damaged vessels?

[HavocReaper48]

Because Kremlings such as him specialize in scheming and deviousness than actual logic.

Where does K. Rool get all of his fundings in the first place?

[Phyreburnz]

Ebay! When you steal thousands of bananas and you're a carnivore, they really don't have a use... might as well sell them to someone who wants 'em.

Why didn't DK just buy them back off of K. Rool on Ebay?

[HavocReaper48]

Simple, he had a hard time converting banana coins into US currency!

Why isn't there a simple way to convert banana coins into US dollars? Does Ebay have something against monkey money?

[Phyreburnz]

It all started when the Kongs refused to update their currency. It was too easy to pirate. hundreds of thousands of counterfeit coins were circulating, so they became useless. Ebay decided to not jag around with such nonsense, so they blocked DK island from even visiting Ebay's website.

Why do monkeys have computers?

[HavocReaper48]

So they can go on DKC Atlas and post on the forums!

Wait, wouldn't they feel paranoid reading topics about themselves?

[Phyreburnz]

I'm pretty sure that anyone would....

Spoiler!

*oh, and in case you didn't understand... "jag" is a Pittsburgh term for like... well, a jagoff is a jerk-off, so jaging someone off is like jerking someone off *not in the sexual way*

So... out of everyone that uses this forum... how many are monkeys?

[HavocReaper48]

Well, I sure am not though I'd watch out for anyone who has the name "Kong" in their username...

Do any other animals use DKC-Atlas?

[Phyreburnz]

Probably not, it's very hard to type without apposable thumbs.

Could Rambi type if he had a computer?

[HavocReaper48]

Rambi's too cool to type and have a computer.

Where do the Kongs put their computers anyway? Do they have electricity, a decent connection and power outlets too?

[Phyreburnz]

Kongs normally store their computers on their desks, just like people, but you don't wanna know what they're made of... As for electricity, do you remember Temple Tempest? I'm pretty sure they use those gnawties to power their computers. And because they live in treetops, their internet reception is AMAZING!

Why does Rambi think he's so cool?

[HavocReaper48]

He doesn't THINK he is, he KNOWS he is. Rambi is just that awesome.

Is Rambi awesomer than Chuck Norris? Can Rambi do a roundhouse kick, push the Earth down to do a push-up, and never appear in a war movie or invasion movie, because if he was, the movie would be too short?

[Phyreburnz]

Yes, no, no, and no... Yes to the first because that's so obviously true and no to the last three because how does a rhino do a roundhouse kick or a push-up and he could appear in a war/invasion movie because he's cooler than Chuck Norris.

Who would win in a fight, Chuck Norris or Rambi?

[HavocReaper48]

Neither. The universe cannot handle such awesomeness, and as a result billions of lives will be lost just to contain the pure energy...

Wait, would Chuck and Rambi's epic fight be on the EXACT day of 2012? Is THAT the true reason why we're all expected to die that year?

[Phyreburnz]

I didn't want to tell you this, but... yes... it is....

Why would Rambi and Chuck Norris want to cause the end of the world?

[HavocReaper48]

Because, as quoted in a bunch of different situations, "THERE CAN ONLY BE ONEEE!!!!!!"

Why not two?

[Phyreburnz]

You dare question the people that said "THERE CAN ONLY BE ONEEE!!!!!!"?! Well, the reason there can't be two is because that would lead to worse movies than there are now, and nobody wants that.

I'm now going to ask a question that has nothing to do with the previous questions asked:
Why did Candy Kong go from saving your game to a $lut that sells instruments?

[HavocReaper48]

Donkey Kong was worried that the game wasn't ... interesting enough.

However, did she overdo it? Is that the reason why Candy really has only minor cameos in most of her games beyond DK64, and couldn't make it for DKCR?

[Phyreburnz]

If they put her in more than a few times, they'd have to rate the games "M", and Nintendo didn't like that... or did they?

Did they?

[HavocReaper48]

Nintendo of Japan probably did, however overseas they had to censor it. Nintendo of America approval policies, of course.

Why are they so concerned about it, anyway?

[Phyreburnz]

Because they SUCK!

Why must they suck?

[HavocReaper48]

I blame the economy.

Why would the economy concern DK and his friends seeing how they can't convert their banana coins to used currency anyway?

[Phyreburnz]

Because they're all a bunch of jerks, and the economy just likes to make everything difficult for everybody. They don't care who they're offending, as long as they are offending someone!

Why doesn't DK just send a crack squad of animal buddies over to beat the nubs out of the economy?

Spoiler!

I don't know why I used the word "nubs", but it works.

[HavocReaper48]

You see, you just posted DK's plans to do so, unintentionally giving the government information of the attack. They'll be ready now, with their defenses on the lookout for any animals that come to close.

Why did you have to ruin the plan?